Kids & Halloween: Dealing with the spooky and scary

It's almost here! Halloween is just around the bend. For many of us, the festivities began over the weekend with parties, church carnivals, fall festivals, and the like. If you have been in most retail establishments over the past 2 months, the decorations and costumes have been center stage. I, personally, love Halloween, and most kiddos love to dress up and trick-or-treat. But, along with the "good clean fun" of the holiday comes the inevitable spookiness.

Even if you dress your children in non-scary costumes and avoid haunted houses, you are bound to pass a spooky costume or two while you are out trick-or-treating. If you decide to visit a Halloween store to purchase costumes, you will have to pass through the displays of gruesome decorations. And as your kids get older, they may stumble across a scary movie on tv. The truth is, some aspects of Halloween are just downright scary for kids! So how do you handle it? I am by no means an expert, but here are some of my thoughts of handling the spooky and scary matters.

• Don't ignore their fears. Every child is going to be afraid of something, at some point. It's just a part of childhood. Don't ignore it, address it.
• Don't overreact to their fears. As bad as ignoring the fear is, it is just as unhealthy to reinforce that fear by overreacting. If you act afraid yourself, or make a big deal out of them being afraid, you will confirm to the child that there is something to fear.
• DO allow them to communicate their fear. When you really listen, you might be surprised at why your kid is scared. They might not know that the frightening mask is meant to depict a horror-movie villain, they might just not like that they can't see the person's face. Or maybe they think that kid dressed as a vampire is actually bleeding and they are worried. Until you allow them to tell you, you really won't know the root of the fear.
• DO remind them that it's all pretend. Don't simply say "there is nothing to be afraid of," but tell them why. Let them know that the scary decorations and costumes are just pretend, and even tell them what they really are. For example, "That monster is just another kid in a costume. I bet he's 4 years old just like you, and I bet he is excited to get candy too!" or "I see that ghost too, but Im not scared, because *look* it's just made out of fabric!"
• DO give them a foundation for bravery. Reading and even memorizing scripture about the protection of God is a great way to reinforce a spirit of courage and faith. There are also some wonderful books and DVD's out there for this purpose. Some favorites of ours are Veggie Tales "Where is God When I'm Scared" and "Can God See Me in the Dark?" by Neil Lazano. These resources remind children that God is bigger than anything they could be afraid, that He cares about them, and they can put their trust in Him when they are afraid.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation,

whom then shall I fear?"

Psalm 27:1

"Even when I walk through the dark, scary, lonely places,

I won't be afraid at all,

because my Shepherd knows where I am.

He is here with me,

He keeps me safe,

He rescues me,

He makes me strong and brave!"

Psalm 23:4-5

(kid-friendly wording from The Jesus Storybook Bible)

I hope that you have a happy, fun, and not-too-spooky Halloween!

Inspiring Great Character Part IV: On Sharing

Back from computer troubles and ready to blog!

Every now and then (not often) a moment comes along that makes you think that maybe, just maybe, you are doing something right as a parent. 

Recently, I had one of those moments.

We were at the park with some friends. Man-Cub had insisted on bringing his pirate hat and sword. As the park filled up with many children that we did not know, many of them much younger, I contemplated taking the sword as a preventative measure. I mean, I didn't want to be that mom, the one that let her kid bring a semi-lethal weapon to the playground, resulting in the injury of another kid. I probably would have, but I got a little distracted with the Girl-Child, and before I know it, I am being approached by another mother.

"Are you Noah's mom?"

Uh-oh, this is it. Time to handle the my-child-whacked-your-child-with-a-plastic-sword-when-I-wasn't-looking situation.

"I just wanted to let you know that he is really good at sharing!"

I thanked her and praised him, but on the inside I have to admit that I was surprised. Sure enough, Man-Cub was playing happily while the other kid ran around with his sword.

Commence the patting-self-on-back.

The whole thing got me thinking a lot about sharing. I don't remember being taught to share when I was growing up. My brother, sister and I are very close in age. We had a combined playroom and all the toys were just ours. Not yours or mine, but everyone's. Of course we had our fair share of squabbles ("I had that first!!") but all in all, we were decent at sharing. I do remember one rule, which applied to Christmas and birthdays; You got your new toys for 3 days without being forced to share, but after that special 3 days they were fair game. The thing is, when you are used to playing with your siblings all the time, it is pretty boring to play with your stuff alone. I cannot remember a single time when we lasted the whole 3 days without sharing. My parents were sneaky like that :)

Here are a few of the things I do to encourage sharing. Do they always work? No way. But, like all character education, it is a work in progress!

• Make sharing a fun idea, not a tedious command! This might go something like "Man-Cub, your friend Johnny is coming over to play! Won't that be fun? Playing with our friends is so much more fun when we share and take turns!"
• Play to their emotions. "Man-Cub, lets think about what it would feel like if your sister played with her toys all day and never let you have a turn. Would that make you sad? Angry? Would it be very much fun? We don't want to make other people feel that way either, and that is why we share, to show others love."
• Give them structured opportunities to share. I will set a timer and let my child know that he has 5 minutes to play with the prized toy. After that time is up, the toy is passed to the waiting sibling/cousin/friend. Setting a timer works better than just watching the clock, because my child seems to feel that the timer is more reliable than his forgetful mother.
• If all else fails, sing a Mary Poppins-esque song. Up until a certain age, children respond really well to directives given to them in sing-song. (After about 1st grade they will just laugh at you or look at you like you have 2 heads). I once heard a children's church director sing this little tune, and have adopted it since. 

(To the tune of Frere Jacques)

I'll take my turn,

You take your turn,

Let's take turns.

Let's take turns.

We can play together,

We can play together,

Let's take turns!

Let's take turns!

Something about this song is mesmerizing to children, and I have changed to words for a variety of sticky situations. Before you know it, the stubborn little one has passed on the object that was the cause of the fight and moved on to happily playing with something else!

I love comments, and I would love to hear your tricks and tools to teach and encourage sharing!

10 Ways to Play with Your Kids

When I was preschool-age, my mother used to have tea parties with me and my two siblings. We didn't drag her to the table and then direct her on where to sit and what pretend food and beverage she was consuming. No, my mom would spontaneously show up in our playroom, not as mom, but as the character Penelope Wiliford. (Don't ask me where the name came from). She would loudly announce herself in a funny, British-type accent and invite us all to tea. She was so in character that we didn't dare call her "Mom." Sometimes it was just invisible tea and crumpets on our plastic picnic table, and other times she pretended that our regular afternoon snack had transformed into delicacies of royal caliber. We laughed and giggled and played and had so much fun. Those tea parties with Penelope are some of my most cherished childhood memories, and it is something that my siblings and I reminisce about often when we are together.

I was so blessed to have a mother that was exceptionally talented at all things home related. She is a fabulous cook, and I have copied her recipes often. She was a meticulous housekeeper, and I have held my home to the same standards (most of the time). She taught us all to read before we started kindergarten and made sure we had a solid foundation of faith. Both of those are goals that I work diligently to meet. Despite having three children within a 3 1/2 year time period, she remained charitable and did a great deal of volunteer work and outreach. I have attempted to emulate my mother in so many ways. So how have I forgotten how much importance she placed on playing with us?

I guess I forgot. I got busy. I became the constant caregiver, cleaner and cook, and never really became the playmate. And I really want that to change. I don't want my kids to look back and only remember how clean their house was, how good their meals were, and how much their mommy taught them. Those are all good things. But I want my kids to look back on their childhood and remember how much fun I was too!

10 Ways to Play With Your Kids

1. Build block towers and then knock them over.
2. Turn off all the lights and have a "Flashlight Battle," pretending the beam from the flashlight is the blade of a sword or light saber.
3. Finger paint with them.
4. Take them to the park, get on the swings, and swing alongside them instead of just pushing them.
5. Build an indoor tent out of sheets and camp out.
6. Break out the play-dough, and let your kids suggest what you should make.
7. Get into whatever they are in to. (In my house, this means donning a Darth Vader mask or pirate hat.)
8. Have a Nerf gun or water gun fight.
9. In the summer, have a pool jumping contest. Jump into the pool in different ways (ex. cannon ball, belly flop) and then have your kid copy you. This is extra fun if you have "judges" to decide who had better form.
10. Have a tea party, and really get into it!

This post is linked up to these awesome parties:

10 Ways to Spend Quality Time with Your Husband (On the Cheap)

In keeping with my "10 Ways" posts that have been so popular, here are some of my favorite, inexpensive, quality time ideas. Please also check out my posts 10 Ways to Serve Your Spouse and 10 Ways to Encourage Your Husband With Words.

In my life, with two young children as well as my mother and my best friend all under one roof, finding quality time with my guy can be pretty challenging. Often, by the time we have a few minutes alone, we just want to veg out in front of the tv or sleep. It's sad, but true. Yet, quality time is so important to the health of my marriage. Without connecting in a quality way, my husband and I risk becoming distant from one another. We could easily get so caught up in the necessary tasks of our everyday life that we become more like roommates or business partners than a married couple.

When you add financial limitations to a full schedule, quality time can seem impossible. So, here are my ten favorite ideas for spending quality time with your spouse on a budget. Many are free, and the others are pretty inexpensive.These aren't all necessarily "dates" but could definitely work as a date-night activity.

1. Go to a drive-in type restaurant, get a milkshake, sit in the car, and talk.
2. Take a walk through your neighborhood without the kids.
3. Go sightseeing in your own town. Research historic sites that are free or cheap to visit.
4. Take a picnic to a local park.
5. Play board games, cards, or dominoes together after the kids are asleep.
6. Go to a restaurant, order an appetizer, and talk.
7. Look through your old photo albums or watch home movies together.
8. Bring him lunch at work (home made or take-out) and then eat it with him at his office.
9. Work on a project together, like yard work or washing your cars.
10. Go ice skating! (our area has an indoor rink that is open year-round and is really inexpensive)

Any other ideas? What do you do to sneak in some extra quality time with your honey?

Linked up at

The Best Chili in the Universe

This really is the best chili in the universe...to me anyway. I have tried a billion gazillion variations of this formula, but I always go back to this one. It is great for the slow cooker, but you can simmer it on the stove too. And as you can see in the photo, it is good on everything. I serve it on hot dogs, over fries or tots, and on top of a bed of corn chips. I have also melted it into Velveeta for a yummy dip. I often freeze the leftovers in single portion sizes to pull out for lunch on a cool or rainy day. It is a fall favorite! I make it a lot on game days, it is a perfect football companion.

Ingredients:

• 1 pound ground turkey 
• 1 package original chili seasoning
• 1 package spicy chili seasoning
• 1 can dark red kidney beans
• 1 can light red kidney beans
• 2 cans pinto beans
• 1 32 oz. can crushed tomatoes
• 2 cans Rotel with liquid
• 1 large onion, diced
• toppings: diced raw onion, sliced green onion, shredded cheese, sour cream, saltine crackers, corn chips, hot sauce (like Texas Pete), Sriracha (we like it hot around here)

Brown ground turkey in skillet with diced onion. While the meat is browning, rinse all of your beans. Combine meat with remaining ingredients in slow cooker and cook on low for at least 4 hours. Even though everything is already cooked, allowing the mix to simmer for awhile really melds all those delicious flavors.

I should note that I think I originally saw this recipe on Semi Homemade with Sandra Lee but it's hard to be sure, since I have been making it for like six years.

This post is linked up at the following super fun linky parties:

Weekend Warmth at Western Warmth

10 Ways to Encourage Your Husband With Words

Therefore, encourage each other and strengthen one another as you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Last week I wrote a post about serving your spouse. You can read that post here. To date, it is my most read, most shared, and most talked about post. In fact, it has been viewed more than all my other posts combined. This week I am hoping to expand on that idea and give you ten ways to encourage your husband with your words. Men don't tend to be as wordy as women, and yet a man shines when he is praised verbally. I have heard it said that you multiply your praise by the number of people that hear you praising. So, if it is natural and genuine, saying these things to your husband in the presence of others will amplify the effect they have on him. I also sometimes write a short affirmation on a sticky note and stick it on the bottom of his lunch box. He doesn't have to pick it up and unfold it (and face ridicule and jokes from his co-workers), he can simply read it as he is taking out his lunch items.

A word of caution: As a woman, I can tend to do these things with the expectation that they will be reciprocated. I can easily fall into the trap of thinking I have been encouraging him and building him up all week, but he hasn't said a nice thing to me! That is not the goal here. Don't plant that seed of resentment in your heart! It will taint everything that you do for or say to your husband! And don't say things that you do not genuinely mean. If you read one of these affirmations and think That is so not my husband! Don't fake it. He will know that you are insincere. Rather, think of ways that you can genuinely affirm him, and pray about your perception of him in the areas where you think he is failing.

10 Ways to Encourage Your Husband With Words

1. Thank you for going to work every day and providing so well for us.
2. You are so good with the kids!
3. You make me laugh!
4. You really have a talent for ________.
5. You look good in that.
6. You smell good.
7. You are so thoughtful.
8. Thanks for keeping a level head when I am freaking out. You really keep me grounded.
9. You are really smart. (variations: good with our finances, have a great memory, know so much about _____.)
10. I respect you.

I would love for you to share an affirmation that really makes your husband shine! 

Inspiring Great Character III: Thoughts on Obedience

This is Part 3 in my series on character, click to read Part I and Part II.

I have received a lot of questions on obedience and how to teach it. I would like to start this post with a disclaimer:

I am not a parenting expert.

I do not have any fancy degrees to support my theories.

My kids are not perfectly obedient.

I don't know your kid and I can't guarantee what will work for them.

So don't send me any hate mail if you see my son behaving poorly at a play date. It's all a work in progress, people!

Okay, now that we have that out of the way, I would love to elaborate on obedience. 

Let's start by talking about disobedience. What is is really? In my house, disobedience occurs when a child willfully and knowingly rebels against what they have been instructed. As the parent, we have to be sure that we are clear our expectations and consistent in our reactions.

On Saturday my little Man-Cub opened a bottle of nail polish sideways and it glugged out all over his hands, feet and my couch. While the whole situation was pretty frustrating, he was not disobeying. He had never been told "Don't open nail polish." Was it poor behavior? Yes. But it was not willful disobedience, it was simply one of the learning experiences that goes with childhood.

So what do you do in one of these situations? Take it through a series of questions, then react.

1. Have I instructed my child against this behavior?
2. If yes, was I clear about my expectations?
3. If yes to 1 and 2, have the natural consequences served as sufficient correction?

If the situation doesn't pass through question one or two, the behavior was probably just a "kid thing." I can't ignore it or condone it, but it requires teaching and correcting, not discipline.

If the behavior does pass through questions one and two, it requires teaching, correcting and then (if the answer to question 3 is "no") discipline.

The natural consequence often does the job of discipline. A completely extreme example would be; You tell your child not to touch the stove burner. They disobey you and touch it anyway. They are now in pain from being burned. You spank them and scream at them. The spanking and screaming are not necessary, the natural consequence of the burn taught the lesson that you needed it to.

So how can I teach my child to obey?

I have to teach him what obedience is, and why it is important. 

The WHAT:

Obey means that "I listen and I do it!" (clap hands when you say "do it!")

Teach this little phrase to your kids. Practice it with them. Ask them frequently "what does 'obey' mean?" And remind them to be obedient. An example would be saying "Man-Cub, Mommy needs you to pick up those blocks. Please obey me. What does obey mean?" (wait for response) "Great! Now, what did I ask you to do? Thanks for obeying me!"

The WHY:

I always try to explain why obedience is important. "Mommy and Daddy are the boss around here. We all  have to do what our bosses say. Everything we tell you to do is important. We ask you to obey us because we know what is best for you, we love you, and we want you to grow up to be the awesome person we know you can be."

After my kid learned the basic definition of obedience and was pretty clear on the importance of obeying, I needed to teach him how to obey. I addressed this a little bit in Part II. I taught him the little rhyme Obey right away!

Instant obedience is crucial to my sanity.

I remind him to be joyful when he is obeying. Keep a happy attitude!

And now, we are working on being thorough in our obedience. Do the very best you can!

Like I said before, it's all a work in progress. We have multiple instances of disobedience in our home every day. But I can feel good about the fact that we are working on it. I can't just hope that when he is a little older, or a little more mature, all of these character qualities will just fall into place. Good character does not come naturally, it has to be taught. So keep on teaching it diligently!

I love comments! Please share what you do to teach character or a story about obedience, I would love to hear it!