An Honest Report On Our 2-Week Restaurant Fast

It might seem like we do a lot of "fasting" around here. I use the word fast to describe purposely abstaining from an activity or item, for a set time, for a defined purpose. I have blogged about our family Media Fast and my Negativity Fast. Our most current endeavor was a 2 week restaurant fast. We have tried this in the past and failed pretty pitifully. Last year we attempted seven days without restaurants. I think we made it for five. For many families, this does not sound difficult at all. I wish we were one of those families!

The two big reasons that we visit restaurants too much are convenience because we are so busy on so many weeknights, and cravings, because sometimes a certain meal or restaurant just sounds way more appealing then whatever I planned to cook.

It really is ridiculous, and each time we have evaluated our finances we come to the same conclusion: we are hemorrhaging money in our food budget, and it is all because of eating out! When we first participated in the Crown Financial Ministries Biblical Financial Study, we discovered that we spent more at restaurants then we did on rent! Holy moly! We have definitely improved since then, but not nearly enough.

The thing is, I really love to cook!  With the proper planning, I have plenty of time in my schedule to cook too. There is absolutely no reason for us to be eating out so often.

The goal of staying away from restaurants for two weeks was to get us in the habit of eating at home. I tried to overcome our main challenges with my meal planning.

• To avoid temptation based on convenience factors, I bought a few quick-to-prepare frozen food items. I don't usually buy this type of food, but I thought it would help when things get hectic.
• To avoid temptation based on cravings, I tried to make an extremely varied meal plan. I thought of all the places that we usually eat out, and tried to put similar dishes on our menu. So, for example, I made sure to include an Asian-inspired dish and a homemade pizza, since Asian and pizza are frequent eating out go-to spots for us.

Week one went really well. There was even a day that the kids and I ended up with a long wait, away from home, right around lunch time. I had not planned ahead and packed a lunch to take along, and the mood in my car was quickly deteriorating. Tempted to hit up a drive-thru, I finally opted to head to a convenience store for a few snack items and wait to have lunch at home. Although shopping at the convenience store did require that I buy food out, it wasn't a restaurant, it required some thinking ahead, and our $5 in snacks was much less costly than our typical fast food bill. It also reminded me to prepare snacks for those unexpected times!

At the end of week one, we had an unexpected offer for free babysitting for a date night. I will admit that we seized the opportunity and went for sushi and appetizers at a favorite Japanese restaurant. Although, admittedly, that was in violation of our plan for the week, it actually led us to a really great idea. We decided that (after the fast) we would put a couples date night and a family date night on our calendar on alternating weeks. If we are faithful to eat at home for the entire week, we will reward ourselves with a dinner out on Friday or Saturday. But if we do not eat at home all week, the date night will have to be a non-restaurant activity. I'm really excited about this new plan, because not only does it insure that we are setting aside special evenings, it also gives us an incentive to eat at home every week, not just during this two week period.

Week two was going as planned until the weekend hit. Epic fail. After tee ball on Saturday we visited a favorite deli for lunch. I am pleased to say that we at least ate dinner at home (not typical for us on a Saturday night). Sunday we hit our favorite Irish restaurant for their family-friendly brunch, and had dinner at the ballpark during a minor-league baseball game.

I really, really wanted to report back that we accomplished the whole two weeks with no restaurant visits. But, of course, I will not lie to you. We are imperfect people and we are not capable of living a perfect life, but we are striving to do a little better each day. I can happily report back that because of this "fast" we got back into the habit of thinking about our dining out and being more purposeful about it. For example, after a family lunch date this past Monday, my fella looked at me and said "Okay, we eat at home until our [planned] breakfast out on Saturday!" and it feels good to know that we both have the same goal in mind. It also got me back into menu planning with creativity. Planning meals that I want to cook and the family wants to eat. Finding recipes that we are all excited to try. So, progress was made even if perfection was not achieved!

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Real Christian Moms Share What Worked For Them in Labor

I am 6 months pregnant with my third child. I have had two typical, uneventful, medicated births in the hospital. I have few complaints about those experiences and feel that I made the best choices at the time. For this baby, my fella and I are planning a natural, unmedicated childbirth at a freestanding birth center. The main reason that we made this decision (before this child was even conceived, by the way) was in the pursuit of a more family-focused, more spiritual birth experience. I am blessed with a husband that not only supports me in pregnancy, but has always been very actively involved in our children's births. We both look forward to the deeper level of involvement and support that he will be able to offer in the birth center atmosphere.There are so many benefits of natural childbirth, and I truly believe that this is the best choice for me this time around. With all that being said, I have had to work through many fears and concerns in preparation for this birth, and continue to do so now. Besides the support of my husband, I have found that my faith and my friends have been the greatest resource in this preparation. So, I decided to ask my Facebook friends to share what helped them the most during labor and delivery. Specifically, I asked for affirmations and scriptures to draw on. I was very blessed and encouraged by the responses, and I want to share them with other mommies out there!

• “ My favorite verse of all times, and this is my go-to verse for any situations in life that might be ‘anxiety’ provoking... 2 Timothy 1:7 (ESV)- for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”  -Sara
• “An excerpt from Eph. 3:17-21, ‘...I pray that you...may have power...to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ...Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, to Him be the glory...!’” -Angela
• “ 1 Corinthians 2:3-5 […and I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith might now rest in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.] This verse was not in my head when I delivered Olivia, but I did think about how He was crucified, and how His strength (that big huge sacrificial strength) was in me. And He carried me through as I know He always will. I did also find praise music calming, but kept it in my head, mainly because I had no clue what I would want to hear in each moment. Also, water is so extremely helpful in labor, and then I find my comfort in that He is a ‘river of joy.’  He made us to physically need water, so it is in His purpose for us to use.” -Meghan
• “ I had an epidural with our first, Riley, and natural childbirth after that  with Levi and Adelyn. I felt amazing immediately after Levi and Addy were born! What an incredible high!! And I loved being able to get up and walk around the room right after their births! Philippians 4:13 [I can do all things through Him that strengthens me.] all the way!! Plus an amazing labor coach or coaches! My hubby and mom were with me the whole time holding my hands, encouraging me and putting cold washcloths on my forehead and neck. Good luck girl...you can do it!!!” -Laura
• “ I didn’t have a ‘natural/no medication’ labor but what did help me before and even after my epidural was having a good Christian cd playing. We packed our small CD player in our hospital bag and I picked 1 cd (Kristian Stanfill! Awesome CD) that I had playing the whole time. Totally made a difference!!!!!!!” -Emma
• “ 1 Corinthians 10:13 [No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, , but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.] played on loop in my head during Lily Mae's birth. Temptation for me was the easily accessible medications that were available at the hospital - but sure enough God gave me the strength to endure without them!” -Jess
• “Shall I bring to the birth, and not cause to bring forth? saith the LORD: shall I cause to bring forth, and shut the womb? saith thy God. Isaiah 66:9” -Adrienne
• “ I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. Philippians 4:13” -Jennifer
• “This too shall pass. Lol” -Pamela
• “1 Tim. 2:15 (Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control.) and John 16:21 (A woman, when she is in labor, has sorrow because her hour has come; but as soon as she has given birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.)”- Jennifer C.
• “ Honestly I'm a music person. I was singing Steven Curtis Chapmans "God is God" during my entire C-section with my last baby, with my second baby I sang Amazing Grace. With my first baby I was just really quiet and weepy and with my third all I could think about was having to pee soooo bad( the nurse kept promising to bring me a bed pan and never did). I have two labor playlists, an energetic one and a relaxing one (I actually listen to them all the time). Music is how I worship and even sometimes pray so that’s what works for me.” -Allicen
• “ I delivered all 9 of ours at home...each one is always a different experience, but the last one was totally different because I was much more aware of the power I have over my own body. I learned so much from the The Christian Childbirth Handbook....it has scripture in it. I wish I could buy a whole bunch of those books and give one away every time I hear a woman is pregnant! I don't really have a certain verse.” -Emma
• “ Phil 4:8 - Whatsoever is true, holy, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, dwell on these things. Use this scripture to back up focusing on truth about natural childbirth...
  -God created me and my body. He designed me to do this for His glory.
  -The pain is not forever.
  -There are breaks in between the pains.
  -Ultimately this is what I feel is healthier for me and my children (personal conviction).
  -I am being a good steward of my body by doing this as naturally as possible (personal conviction...and I do believe that c-sections have their place and so do pain meds...but I do have a personal conviction that leaving your body to work the way God designed is best unless He allows a trial in your labor that requires intervention).
  -The more painful it becomes, the closer I am to the end. When it feels like I can't take anymore, it's just about over.
  I also keep things out that are specifically for the baby that I am giving birth to. With my son, my midwife handed me his newborn sock and laid it in my hand to remember what I was laboring for (68 hour labor...I needed the encouragement). With my daughter, I set out things I had bought/made for her. I put her teddy bear that we dressed in a purple dress in plain sight (her name is Lydia after the Lydia in the NT who was a seller of purple).  FYI - I HATED music in labor...lol. It's a personal preference.” -Michelle

There are so many, many other resources out there, but I have gleaned so much from these suggestions. I also find it so helpful to hear and read birth stories as much as possible. I also have a growing library of books on the subject of natural childbirth and will share that list soon!

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Southern Etiquette EVERYONE Should Know

I moved to Southeast Georgia when I was 11 years old. Even before that, I would say that my family did things the "southern way," as my extended family are all from Tennessee and Kentucky. Many aspects of Southern hospitality and etiquette are second nature to me. That being the case, I am sometimes offended or taken aback by a lack of what I consider to be common sense in manners and etiquette. So, with the help of family and friends, I compiled this list of Southern etiquette that everyone should know. No matter where you live, you can put these suggestions into practice and never worry that someone might question the way you were brought up.

• Call everyone "ma'am" or "sir" whether they are older or younger than you. Down South, these words indicate respect and manners, not age!
• Always take a hostess gift to a party or dinner.
• If someone does something nice for you, gives you a gift, or you stay at their home, send a thank you note. Always. When in doubt, send one anyway. No one has ever been offended by a thank you note!
• When invited to a party or dinner, always offer to bring a dish. 
• Always pull over for a funeral procession. Don't just slow down and wait for the cops to pass, and definitely do not ever pass them in the next lane. This is the law in Georgia, but even if it isn't in your state, do it out of respect!
• Always welcome new folks to the neighborhood with food or a small gift.
• Hold the door for the person behind you.
• Allow people to exit before you enter. This applies to businesses, elevators...anything with a door.
• Walk guests to the door, always. Even if they have been over to your house several times.
• If someone has surgery, a new baby, or a death in the family, bring them a casserole. That's just how it's done.
• Men take off their hats at dinner and to pray, as well as for the Pledge of Allegiance and the National Anthem.
• When someone invites you over for dinner, return the invite as soon as possible. (This doesn't necessarily apply for group functions like barbecues or parties, but always applies if someone has just you and your spouse and/or children over!)
• When a guest arrives at your home, offer them a beverage. Everyone. Even the cable guy or AC repairman.
• Women wear jewelry. Even with shorts and flip-flops.

This is certainly not an all-inclusive list, and I am certainly guilty of violating some of them from time to time! 

The point is to "act like you were raised right," "don't be ugly," and never, never start to act "too big for your britches." 

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Why is my daughter crying?

The Girl-Child is....sensitive. 

Like, really, really sensitive.

As in, she cries.....a lot.

She melts into tears at least once a day, and these are not your typical, toddler tantrums. She is genuinely hurt. They are real tears and there is a real process of getting through the hurt feelings. It starts with a sniffle and before you know it she is all in. 

Inspired by a Tumblr feed that I saw recently, I decided to take some photos of these moments. After all, they are just as much a part of her personality as the funny and cute photos that everyone wants to see.  All of these pictures were taken within the last 2 months. The reasons in the captions are real, even when they seem impossible.

 We won't let her drink the egg dye:

 I gave her toys to play with in the sprinklers:

 Still crying (20 minutes later) so I moved her to a towel:

 I gave her the banana that she asked for.

 Daddy left without her:

 A full 10 minutes later:

 She can't get her baby doll into her toy stroller:

 I said "Time to go watch brother play baseball!"

 She took the straw out of her cup so no slushie comes out when she sucks it:

 Even though she has 2 necklaces, she wants mine:

 I want her to play on the playground, she wants to be held:

I wish that I had a camera with me for each and every crying fit. Then again, if I did, this post would be way too long. 

The point is, everything with kids is a phase. Laugh at the tough ones, you'll get through it...

and try not to think about what the adolescent years will be like!!

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10 Great Date Night Conversation Starters

In my popular post 10 Rules For Dating Your Husband, I suggest that your date night conversations should not be about your kids, home, finances, or basically any other "married people business." If you want to delve into all of those things, check out how we did our family goal-setting meeting by clicking here.

Don't know what to talk about? Yeah, it can be rough sometimes. If you Google "Conversation Starters for Dating" you will find lots of lists that are intended for non-married people. You probably already know your husband's favorite color or movie so those get-to-know-you questions won't be very useful to you. So here are a few good conversation starters for married folks to get the ball rolling. You can bring the list with you if you forget, or just try to remember a few, in case the conversation drops off.

1. What is your dream vacation?
2. What is your ideal retirement location?
3. Tell me about your favorite childhood memory.
4. What is the best meal you have ever had?
5. What is your opinion about [insert current event]?
6. Tell me an embarrassing or funny story that I've never heard.
7. What are some fun activities we should do on future dates?
8. What are you most looking forward to this year?
9. If you could stop working today, what would you do?
10. What is at the top of your "Bucket List"?

I have found that our very best date night conversations involved talking about happy memories or "planning" a hypothetical future (dream vacations, retirement, etc). Some of our worst date night conversations have been when we focused on the negative (Tell me about what is bugging you at work?) or tried to get too serious (How can we increase our savings? How are we ever going to pay for college?)

Keep it light, keep it fun, and enjoy dating your husband!!

Want to learn how to have fun as friends and how to have the fruitful marriage that God intended for you? I strongly recommend the book Real Marriage by Mark and Grace Driscoll. We read through this with our church small group and it is, to date, the best marriage study that we have done. We often find ourselves saying things like "Remember _____ from Real Marriage?" or "I'm so glad we learned ________ from Real Marriage!" We have seen the impact that it has made on our friends as well.
The first half of the book is about the friendship between you and your spouse and the second half is about sex (and they definitely do not dance around the real issues of sex in marriage!) To top it off, one of the appendices has an awesome list of questions to ask your spouse to help get to know them on a deeper level!

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The Negativity Fast: A Recap

^^^I was like this for awhile there^^^

My thoughts and words were so caught in a web of negativity that I couldn't even see it anymore. I had a complaint for everything, and those that I didn't voice I would dwell on mentally. We have all been there I think. You just get in a funk and you can't get out of it. 

Well, I was complaining about a friend that is always so negative on Facebook. I was saying that I was going to delete her if I saw one more status about how bad things are in her life. Then I realized, Facebook statuses aside, that I myself have grown into such a negative person lately. I hate to see myself in that way and I really hate to examine how I had been feeling. The truth was, and is, that my greatest spiritual struggle is with negative thinking. In my opinion, our thoughts are so much more difficult to control than our actions. A thought happens instantly, and so to bring it under control is a very different battle. Yet the Bible is clear on this. 

"...take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ."

2 Corinthians 10:5 

and

"...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think on such things."

Philippians 4:8

The key is to figure out how. How do I take every thought captive to Christ? How do I think only of that which is lovely? I think that the real trick, the real secret, is to admit to myself and to God that I can't do it. I simply can't. The beautiful thing is that admitting that I can't is exactly what He wants me to do so that He can start working in my life. So I did that daily. I stopped trying to do it on my own and I gave it over to Him.

 I decided that I needed to devote some time to focus on this particular area of my life. I decided to begin on a Monday and for seven days I would avoid saying anything negative out loud. You might be wondering why I fasted from saying anything negative when my real struggle is with thinking negatively. The reason is, as I said, that behavior is much easier to control than thoughts are. I knew that purposely controlling my tongue would bring my attention to how often I think negative thoughts. It would take a great deal of reliance on God to go a whole week without saying negative words and I could use all of those opportunities to grow in my thought life as well. Essentially, I was practicing "taking every thought captive" by taking my words captive.

In the seven days, I failed many times. Imagine taking every single negative word out of your interactions with your husband and children. It is a challenge to say the least. If you have ever tried to eliminate a bad habit, you know that you will be tested so much harder during those times. My family went through some serious struggles the very same week that I was avoiding negativity. Each time a negative sentence slipped out of my mouth I was tempted to give up. I would quickly think I just cannot do this, it's impossible, this is just the way I am! I had to continue to remind myself that God does not want me to excuse my behavior, He wants to change me and grow me into someone that is like Jesus. 

I challenge you to try giving up negativity for a time. Maybe a day is a good start, maybe you will go for a week. Overall, even though I cannot say that I made it a whole week without negativity, the time that I devoted to focusing on this issue was fruitful. It gave me a greater awareness and began the process of eliminating negativity for good.

I highly recommend the book Every Thought Captive by Jerusha Clark.

It addresses many areas in which women fall prey to unhealthy, ungodly thought patterns and shares great wisdom in how to defeat those thought patterns which separate us from an abundant life in Christ. Check it out!

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Calendars! Budgets! Plans! Oh My!

It is no secret that the MommyJustine family is a busy group of folks. Aside from the typical, day-to-day bustle of a family of four, we have church activities, tee ball, and volunteer obligations nearly every day of the week. We also try to be purposeful about fitting in quality time as a family, time to connect as a couple, and one-on-one time with our kids. Several weeks ago, all of that collided into a mess of cranky kids, stressed parents, and a general lack of productivity and happiness. At the same time, I read a Girlfriends In God daily devotional that stated "Don't mistake busyness for productivity." That hit me hard. I realized that I had been running and rushing day in and day out and wasn't accomplishing nearly any of my goals. Worse than that, I wasn't even sure what my family's goals were anymore. It was time for a "family meeting." Since my kids are little, the family at the meeting consisted of myself and the Fella. It was such a refreshing, rejuvenating time! It was exactly the jump start that our family needed to get back on track!

Ideally, we would like to have a big meeting like this once every three months. We plan to stay on track by having a short weekly recap each Sunday night to talk through the previous week's accomplishments and set backs and to get on the same page for the upcoming week. I would love to share with you the way we accomplished such a beneficial meeting, and I hope that someone else will find it as useful as we did!

Set aside an evening when you will have at least a few hours to devote solely for the meeting. Plan it in advance so that both you and your spouse are in the right mind set for such an extensive conversation. Have your meeting in a clean, comfortable space (we spread everything out on our bed). Get a babysitter if you need to, although we just put our kids to bed early that night. Pray about your time together ahead of time and then again as you begin. I think that an important part of this prayer is to ask the Lord to make you of one mind in your decision making and to guide your communication so that it is effective and loving.

What you need:

• a calendar
• a notebook
• your budget or a basic expense list
• a computer

STEP 1: Goal Setting/Talk Time
This is the part where you will need a notebook. Write each area of your families life at the top of it's own sheet of paper, followed by your goals. Example:

Our Marriage

Short Term Goal

Long Term Goal

What we can do right now to accomplish those goals.

Changes to be made/Method of making changes.

Although your categories may be different, we established goals in the following categories:

• Our Marriage
• Our Parenting
• Our Finances
• Our Ministry
• Our Schedule

This part of the conversation took up the bulk of our evening. There were many areas where each of us needed to share present concerns that had not previously been voiced. We needed to share our individual visions for our family and then discern how to make those individual desires a unified purpose. This was the time that we needed grace the most, and I will admit that at times it became emotional as we wrestled with difficult choices and each of us compromised.

STEP 2: Plan of action
This will take up somewhat less of your time than your goal setting did. This is where you pull out your calendar and make changes or additions to what is already there based on your new goals. Add in family time or dates as needed to meet the goals in your parenting and marriage categories. Get on the same page with one another's schedule. The Fella added all of my calendar items to his phone, and I did the same. You will want to draw up a basic plan for a new budget if you have altered your family's financial goals. We also used this time to schedule and book our summer vacations online and talk about a basic budget for new baby items, back to school shopping and even Christmas.

STEP 3: Weekly Planning (to be repeated each Sunday night)
We looked at our monthly family calendar and added any appointments, practices and meetings to a separate weekly calendar. We then added any "to-do's" attempting to space them out throughout the week so that we don't have to rush to do everything on Saturday and can devote more of our weekends to family time. Based on what the week looked like, we then agreed on meals for each day. Our hope is that by planning our meals around what we have going on, we will be less likely to make a quick decision to run through a drive-thru on a busy evening. For example, on Thursdays, I have some volunteer work in the afternoons and the Fella has Student Ministry in the evenings. By planning a simple meal like grilled cheese, we ensure that I will have time to prepare it and he will have time to eat it.

I know that this type of planning meeting will look different for every couple and every family. I am only sharing it because it was such a blessing for us and created such an atmosphere of peace within our home. Knowing what your are doing, when you are doing it, and why you are doing it is so freeing!



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